Saturday, February 28, 2015

40+ and Overwhelmed


I've had 365 days to reflect on turning 40.  It's been beautiful.  It's been emotional.  It's been overwhelming.

In my year of 40, I've experienced life in many new ways.  I spent my actual birthday last year skiing with my husband and enjoying the snow covered mountains.  I had a chance to celebrate my birthday with family and friends.  The Spirit moved in me to be baptized again, this time fully immersed in a lake (another blog post will follow about that).  I was able to travel to Alaska for a youth mission trip.  We grieved the loss of our sweet black lab.  I played on the beach by the huge ocean with my family.  I noticed color and clouds and details of nature even more than before.  I gave up sugar for a time period and grew closer to God, learning to crave Him instead.  I gave up coffee for over half the year to discover I don't need it, but I do enjoy it.  I've become bolder in my words and deeds.  I read a book about Boundaries and learned more about where I end and God begins in relationships.  I set goals for many areas of my life and wrote them down.  I wrote out my bucket list.  I had hard conversations with people I love.  I've grown closer in my relationships.  I witnessed hardship and death and grief and suffering and prayed more than ever before.  I have witnessed miraculous healing - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and in relationships.  I've grown more patient.  And I've still lost my patience!  I've developed more self-control - and have much more to develop.  I took steps of faith in my calling.  I truly learned that when I want to do something because it is easier that I really shouldn't!  Doing the hard thing is the right thing and God will bless it!  I slowed down more to enjoy moments with those I love.  I had days where I just wanted to sit and cry for a while.  I had days when I wanted to be alone.  I had days of wanting to do nothing.  I had days of being energized and ready to accomplish many things.  I went to different churches to experience worship in different ways.  I had people pray over me and for me.  I thoroughly enjoyed a mountain thunderstorm in the middle of the night.  I could go on and on - I have been overwhelmed with life!

It is interesting to me how one word or one experience can have more than one meaning.  The word overwhelmed has often felt, well, overwhelming to me.  Not in a good way.  Like in the verse below.


From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  Psalm 61:2 (KJV)

I sat in my car one day last week, feeling overwhelmed and stressed as I thought about many things and the song, Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave came on the radio.  I had just started praying and had my journal with me so I wrote down the lyrics as I heard them.  It was such a perspective shifter!!  I have prayed a lot for God to help me see His perspective.  What perfect timing it was for me to hear that song.

All that You’ve done is so overwhelming
I delight myself in You
In the Glory of Your Presence
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

Looking at the dictionary and comparing versions of the same bible verse, here are some other words for overwhelmed: to be without strength, to feel faint, weak, helpless, far from anywhere, down to my last gasp, to cause someone to have too many things to deal with, to defeat someone or something completely, and finally, to affect someone very strongly.

I had breast cancer 14 years ago - an overwhelming experience! - and while that experience does not define me, it has helped shape my perspective on many things.  My perspective on birthdays is that we should celebrate them!  Be thankful for life!  In Holland, the Dutch bring treats to school or work to share with others on their birthday.  What fun!  As I celebrate another year of life, I'm thankful for all the people God has brought into my life.  Thankful for those who have loved me, who have challenged me, who have been prickly and helped me learn more about loving, who have hurt me, who have come into my life briefly, who have made a lasting impression, who have stayed a long time, who have walked with me up hills and through valleys, who have stopped with me to observe and appreciate the view, and those who have overwhelmed me.  And I'm so thankful for all God has done and continues to do to help me live this life to the full!

As I reflect on the past year and look ahead, I see how I have allowed myself to be overwhelmed at times by life - in both good and bad ways.  And I see how God has overwhelmed me with Him!  My prayer is to continue to delight myself in Him, being captivated by Him, soaking in the glory of His presence so that I can always have His perspective on my life and be OVERWHELMED in his beautiful ways!

Warrior Sisters, say that again - God, Overwhelm us with You!!